I woke at 5am this morning, my heart is burning with longing for one thing. The yearning within me seems more intense in these early dark hours of the new dawn as I lie here half awake yet feeling intense passions that threaten to consume my being.
It is a little like being in the flush of new young love. I am consumed with this yearning, it seems to possesss my every waking moment. When in love for the first time nothing else matters, you just want to be with the one you love. You're off your food, you talk of little else, friends take second place, others think you're weird.
More often than not this hunger, this desire, is not satisfied. There are moments in prayer that are delightful, but mostly it is seeking, searching, longing for... Just to know Him. Oh that I could know Him, this beautiful man who burns with holy longings for humans. My heart feels as though it might burst at any moment.
These waking thoughts and feelings have been my constant companion now for almost two and a half years. The fire is not dying down, if anything it is increasing. This passion seems to have taken over my entire life... Work, careers have become insignificant; hobbies and interests have fallen to one side; even food and entertainments no longer hold much appeal. I am consumed, a man possessed, lost in love, completely and utterly ruined for anything else.
Welcome to my life. Would I exchange this for something else? Would I wish for my old life back, working, earning good money, able to go shopping and buy pretty much whatever I wanted? Owner of a nice property, nice evenings out with friends, movies, dinner dates, whatever? I don't think so!!! What we have been baptised into - this holy hunger, this insatiable longing - you can't buy this. This comes from heaven. It is more precious than gold. It is the gold, the currency of heaven. We believe it is the only thing that will keep us in the troubled times that lie ahead.